A little bit of courage.

I wanted to make a quick post about something that happened today. Not really sure if it goes with the theme of my blog but it taught me a lot.

Quick Synopsis:

I can be crazy insecure, to put it frankly. I like to meet new people and make new friends but I'm not good at  it and most times it leaves me feeling very vulnerable and insecure. 

Yes. So now with that back to today.

Only a few minutes into sacrament meeting at church today I noticed a cute little brown haired, green eyed girl in the row in front of me sitting with  her grandpa. At first I didn't pay her much attention, and it wasn't until just after the opening hymn when I noticed her turning about and peeking up at me numerous times as I scribbled notes on my program. 

Normally I probably would have just politely smiled back and ignored her for the rest of the hour. Some might think this to be rude and I'm sure on more than one occasion I have come off as standoffish because I unintentionally do not handle these types of situations well.

You see, people scare me. Well not specifically them, but their reactions. You never know what you are going to get, how they are going to react to you and that scares me. 

I have had many times where I attempted to be open and friendly and was painfully shot down. More times than I care to remember actually. I feel stupid and awkward when I try to reach out and think that people must think the same of me, so I usually try to forego such uncomfortable situations.

But today I guess I felt a little more confident.

So on my program I wrote. . .

Hello! :]

And held it up the next time she peeked around. At this she shyly smiled, quickly turned around and squirmed a little in her seat.  

Not alone, I realized, in feeling a terrible mixture of insecurity/desire to make friends. So I continued and next wrote, "What's your name?".

They reply was "Moriah". 

And that's how it started. For the next hour I wrote back and forth, shared sheets of paper, gum, and was shown a feather from her pet bird. This 9 year old little gem probably didn't know it at the time but she totally made my day. 

After promises to reconnect and meet her mom the next time we were in sacrament meeting I left to relief society. Our lesson for the day was about love, charity, and service. Comments regarding uplifting and serving one another, as well as, stepping out of our comfort zone got me thinking about the relief society motto.

Charity Never Faileth. 

I sadly have to admit, even with the many times I have heard this motto I have never really deeply thought about it. 

What does it mean?

Because like I described before, some of my attempted acts of charity and friendship have blown up in my face. . . and that feels like a fail to me. But if that is the case, if it is failure, why do I keep trying to attempt the outreach?

What is it about charity?

Charity Never Faileth. I could be completely wrong about this but as I contemplated my encounter with Moriah today and my passed positive and negative experience with trying to befriend others and exercise charity, I felt that charity isn't about what it necessarily does for the person, but what it does to me. Regardless of the outcome I had the courage to step outside of myself and offer a simple piece of me. 

And that makes me happy.

I'm not sure why or how but it does. I guess to know that I was brave enough to try gives me peace and happiness; because at least I tried and I am realizing now that I'm ok with that.    

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it… ”
- We Bought A Zoo


So I guess I learned that although people seem like they've got it all worked out, they probably don't and they could probably use some cheering up and help along the way. So I'll be courageous  because in then end I will hopefully gain a wonderful friend or I will at least be happy that I tried. 


Someday I will be courageous. Check.